"Nay, answer me: stand and unfold yourself."
"Long live the king!"
"Hatch?!"
"He."
Yes, I am now going to start all my writing with Hamlet references from now on. This is an executive decision I've made as of... now.
Actually, I don't think I can commit to that. Hell, I can't even commit to writing a blog in the thralls of academic insanity. Maybe you've noticed. Or, more likely, you are in the vast multitude of people sharing my woes amidst what I've dubbed "The most ass-kicking-est of ass-kicking fall terms". Seriously. I've yet to find a single person who ISN'T looking forward to next term (if you are such a unicorn-like individual, identify yourself, and help share your bliss!).
At this point, you're probably expecting this post to turn into a big mopey "At this rate, I shall never be king"tirade.
(which is referencing not only The Lion King, but what else? Why, it's source material, Hamlet! INTERTEXTUALITY WIN! Ahhh, don't pretend you haven't missed my vivacious wit, Blogger)
BUT!
(God I miss Futurama. The only upside of last fall, which was largely miserable, was marathoning it.)
The cheerfulness train is still well on its way to proverbial Hogwarts!
Or something. I blanked on a good train allusion. The point is: I'm still very content!
And I've had some damn good experiences along the way! Why, last weekend alone, I fulfilled two bucket list adventures: I dressed up as Nightcrawler, for Kelly's delightful "Come as your favourite superhero" birthday, and saw humpback whales with Kristy, including one that breached (of course, right after I put my camera away to save battery... cheeky bugger)! And, lest that be too little, the following day, Ty and I cooked a turkey for Thanksgiving (both of our first times doing so), and entertaining a dinner party of 10+. A mere matter of weeks before, along with a company of stalwart friends, I also completed a The World's End style pub crawl of all the pubs on Broadway street between MacDonald and Alma (eight total), with a pint at each. Not too shabby indeed.
...and, Pokémon X and Y were released. I had resolved not to succumb to its void until Christmas to make sure I didn't fail grad school, until Kristy also showed an interest in playing. Immediate purchase of 3DS and game. Goodbye any free time and productivity ever. Goodbye Master's degree. Oh well. At least my Doublade is pretty badass...
Worth it? Probably.
My perpetual quest for facts, however, has faltered somewhat, as my brain has been unnecessarily cluttered with poisonous gas clouds of self-doubt/impostor syndrome/despair/etc. or general mind-fuckiness due to the rhizomatic wonders of Gilles Deleuze - the man who once kept me up until 4:00am, too busy overthinking time and reality to sleep, yet too exhausted to do anything productive, which, for some reason, led me to the logical act standing in the dark in Kristy's room by her bed facing the door. My sleepy-Deleuze brain had determined, you see, that if she woke up and found me idly staring at the bed she would be terrified. Thus, I faced the door. See? It makes perfect sense. Sheesh.
But! I did my best to record as many facts as I could in the meantime, even if I did so with shameful downcast eyes, knowing I probably wouldn't be publishing them anytime soon. I'd resolve to do better on a regular basis from this point on, but, let's face it: I probably won't. I'd intend to just post a fact every day without all of this banal preamble, but... well, see previous answer. So enjoy these for now, take what you can get, and stop demanding so much from me, you greedy bastards* **!
*I mean loveable readers.
**My word choice is actually a Freudian*** slip - I'm currently procrastinating working on my Inglourious Basterds presentation for my Hollywood violence class. Shut up, subconscious...
***My use of the word "Freudian" is equally indicative, as I'm also procrastinating reading Zizek****, who discusses Lacan, who discusses Freud. FUCK SUBCONSCIOUS WHAT DID I JUST SAY.
****I also make use of Zizek in my thesis proposal, which I also meant to finish this weekend. Fuuuuaaaaaaaaaggghhhhhhhh.
And now you understand how I get to my 4am door-staring state.
FACT DUMP!
#44: Heath Ledger was once offered the role of Batman. Given the fact that he effectively "changed things. Forever. There's no going back" by playing a different role in the franchise*****, which you just might remember, the fact that he wasn't so keen on embodying Mr. Wayne is probably a good thing.
*****In Violence last week, we discussed superhero films, and watched The Dark Knight, which was fantastic except now I'm thinking about how I'm not doing my work for that class. Again. Fuck.
Moving on.
#45: Just for a complete about-face: children need to be 12 years old to be legally tried for manslaughter in Canada.
I'd give a more in-depth reaction to this, except I'm too stressed and weary. So, instead, I think I'll just move on, rather than give some kind of hilariously oversimplified commentary along the lines of, in the words of the wonderful Danny Wallace, "War is bad" (from the fantastic book Yes Man, which, on Kristy's urging, I'm currently reading. So far her book recommendations are 3/3, so if she ever recommends a book to you, I advise you to take her seriously).
Also, I can't think of a witty picture to accompany this fact with, so I'm definitely moving on.
#46: Back to the funnies: James Franco sold an art installation called "Fresh Air" (which, I assure you, was very aptly named) for $10,000.
Another Yes Man plug: Wallace is so cool that he has an entire party scene in his book designated to sharing facts. It's like he, psychically and preemptively, knew my blog would be flagging and in need of facts, so he gave me a treasure trove! So, feast 'yer eyes, as I'm just going to blatantly include all of them. William Burroughs, eat your heart out.
#47: "The cry of the Howler Monkey can be heard at a distance of up to ten miles."
#48: "The national flag of Italy was designed by Napoleon Bonaparte."
#49: "If a statue of a horse has its front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. Finally, if the horse has all four legs on the ground, then the person on top of it died of natural causes."
(I thought this one was really cool. Also, it had the added benefit of making me think of GoldenEye's tank chase through St. Petersberg)
#50: "The first ready-to-eat breakfast cereal was Shredded Wheat in 1893, beating Kellogg's Corn Flakes by a full five years."
#51: "In Hartford, Connecticut, you can receive a five dollar fine if you transport a dead body using a taxi."
(This one made me think of this, which is far more disturbing and far less awesome than Pierce Brosnan driving a tank. Also, when I was searching for key words for my title here, I realized this is the second post which involves children and death. Far less cool...)
So there you go. Gorge yourself on my accumulated knowledge as penance for my extreme gap, and the likelihood of another before my next cameo appearance. So, lest Zizek and Lacan eat me in the next week, you stay classy, interwebz.
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